


Christmas 1871

by CallaFallon



Category: Gone With the Wind
Genre: Depression, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-28
Updated: 2014-06-27
Packaged: 2018-02-06 12:38:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1858374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CallaFallon/pseuds/CallaFallon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Scarlett's feelings during Christmas 1871. In the book this would be after Scarlett's miscarriage but before Bonnie's death when the Republican's have lost political power in Georgia.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Bullock's fall meant the rise of the Butler's back into the realm of Atlanta's accepted society and that Christmas, for the first time since their wedding, they were once again at parties making polite conversation with the old cats. This time was different though; before it had been Scarlett who had tired to impress them while Rhett has stood in the corner, drink in hand, rolling his eyes and making snide comments but now their roles were reversed. Only Scarlett, for sake of propriety, was denied the comfort of alcohol to get her through these functions.

And she needed a drink. Badly.

Scarlett has always loved the Christmas season. How could she not adore a Holiday that involved giving, and more importantly, receiving gifts? More than that she loved the shiny ornaments and ostentatious flourishes in decoration. Suddenly the same people who frowned at her over decorated home were putting up ribbons and bows and stringing gold colored tinsel in their own homes. Even the normally dull religious services she had been brought up with were different during Christmas. Most of the year was about guilt, sacrifice, punishment, and the constant quest for forgiveness, but for that brief time at the end of the year it was about the miracle of Jesus' birth. The miracle of a child being brought into the world against all odds.

This season was different though. Instead of being cheered up by the ringing of bells, both those from the church and from the store's cash registers, she felt removed. Walking down the bustling street of Atlanta or standing alone in the parlor of her own home she felt detached, as if she was a ghost walking through life unable to interact with the living around her. Everything she ate was tasteless, every song she heard was muted, and even the chilly wind that would whip down Peachtree Street didn't touch her.

If anyone noticed the change they didn't comment on it. The workers at the store were still nervous whenever she walked into the room. Ashley continued to stay his distance from her, as he had ever since their final embrace on the day of his party. The children, even Bonnie who was so reckless in her love for her father, didn't come near her. And Rhett continued to be the perfect gentleman, polite in word and deed, as he had been since she returned from her convalescence at Tara.

Sometimes she wondered if maybe she had died during the fall. She'd died and now she was living in hell. After all, isn't that what Rhett had told her the day he proposed - that maybe there was no hell and we were living it now? She'd dismissed his talk that day but now she had to wonder if it hadn't been true. There was no way that firey torment could be any more damning than the empty days that she currently lived in.

The party at the Wilkes' that evening had expressly included the children, even though it was somewhat unusual. "Christmas really is for the children," Melanie had explained, "Why have them hid away? Besides, I think their might be a special surprise for them." Then she'd winked at Scarlett and flitted back into the kitchen. Wade had taken off with Beau and the other boys to play and Ella was standing behind Rhett's leg, still shy around large groups. Bonnie on the other hand was like a little Princess holding court as she toddled around saying hello to "Mwisses and Mwister Mead" and the "Barryweter's".

Scarlett watched Rhett's dark eyes, those two shadowy pools that never let anything escape them, were suddenly bright with admiration as he watched his daughter. Normally Scarlett felt a pang of jealousy seeing Rhett follow their child with the type of amused expression he once reserved for her alone but even that stinging emotion wasn't able to pierce her current mood. Without a look towards her Rhett took Ella by the hand and began walking after Bonnie and into the embrace of respectability that he'd once mocked so cruelly.

Scarlett moved next to the Christmas Tree, a small affair especially compared to the large spruce that occupied the Butler home. As she looked at the simple decoration she let her gaze roam around the room. Instead of searching out Ashley's form, as she used to do at these events, she found herself looking for Rhett. Watching him laugh with the children and smirk with the adults. A sigh from deep within escaped her lips and she felt a heaviness around her body. She wanted nothing more than to climb into bed and sleep for the rest of her life. She remembered the fairy story that Rhett would read to the girls about Sleeping Beauty. Oh, how nice it would be to sleep for a hundred years and then woken with a kiss to show that everything was okay again.

"Scarlett," Melanie's soft voice said from behind her, "Are you feeling okay?"

"Fine," she said mechanically. Her years of training kicked in and she began having a conversation based only on those polite statements she'd been taught in girlhood, never paying attention to what came out of her mouth or listening until she heard Melanie mention Ashley's furlough.

"What was that?" Scarlett asked.

"I was saying that Christmas is such a magical time. Remember during the war when Ashley came home. It was the last time that we were all together as a family, with John Wilkes and Honey around the table with us. Everyone was so hopefully then, just like now. Except now our hope isn't in vain. We've gotten our home back again."

Yes, that had been a happy time. The first time that Ashley had ever kissed her. At one time she'd used that memory to keep her warm during the cold nights at Tara, and she tried to use it again to break the ice that had fallen over her as of late. But it wasn't strong enough. In fact, she only felt somewhat disgusted by it now. The detachment that Scarlett felt in the world also invaded her memory and for the first time she was able to view the scene from the outside. To see Ashley, just leaving his wife, and walking downstairs for an illicit moment with his sister-in-law. For the first time she was able to really see that the look in Ashley's face wasn't love, but something far more base. Even worse, his request for Scarlett to look after Melanie hadn't been purely academic. He'd had a somewhat embarrassed blush on his pale features.

At once the truth hit Scarlett with the force of a physical punch. He suspected he may have gotten Melanie with child. Of course it had been obvious, if she'd ever cared to think about it, that Beau had been conceived during that time. There was no other possibility. But Scarlett had been so wrapped up in her own romantic remembrance of Ashley's kisses that she hadn't let reality get in the way. Ashley had come down from spending the night with his wife to kiss, however unwillingly, Scarlett. In her head she could hear Rhett's bitter voice telling her that all Ashley cared about was her body. It was true. It was horribly true. And just as Rhett had gone from her bed to that Watling creature, Ashley had turned from Melanie to her.

"Scarlett?" Melanie said, "Scarlett? Are you okay? Do you need to sit down?"

She nodded slightly before her knees gave out and she collapsed.


	2. Chapter 2

Old habits died hard. No matter how hard Rhett Butler had tried to rid himself of all his habits towards his wife he still found himself casting a snide remark in her direction or, as was the case this evening, watching her every move out of the corner of his eye. He'd spent the better part of their relationship watching her across crowded rooms. From the first day they met when war broke out, between the states as well as between Rhett and his better judgement, he had always been attracted to the way she deftly moved around a room flitting like a butterfly. Today she was more like a moth; dark and brittle.

"Daddy," Bonnie cried, tugging on his sleeve, "I wanna cookies."

"Before dinner?"

She nodded. "If I wait til after dinner I won't be able to eat as many."

He laughed out loud at her honesty. Time would come when she'd be forced to hide her true thoughts for the sake of social acceptance just as he had been forced to bite his tongue in order to be accepted in polite southern society again. In the meantime she would have free reign to say whatever she thought and do whatever she wanted.

He remembered another bright eyed girl with a propensity for being overly honest. He remembered Scarlett's statement on Pitty Pat Hamilton's porch when he asked her to be his mistress. He also remembered her words to him on the staircase of their home when she announced her pregnancy. Yes, Scarlett was able to speak the truth no matter how cruel it may be.

He looked at her talking to Melanie Wilkes. Or at least Melanie was talking. Scarlett was staring off blankly as if sleepwalking or in a trance. Even though she was physically much better than she'd been before her convalescence at Tara she was still not well. Her appetite had never returned, either for food or living. She no longer spent her days shopping or working or even scheming. When they'd sit at opposite ends of the large dining table with the children talking about what happened during each person's day she never had a real answer. "The same as usual," she'd state before turning her attention back to pushing the food around her plate.

No, Scarlett wasn't well. She looked even worse than usual tonight and seemed unsteady on her feet.

"Uncle Rhett," Ella said softly, "Can I have cookies too?"

"Well, I see a nice big stack of them over on that table. Why don't you girls go and get some."

"Will you come too Daddy?"

Rhett gently guided them towards the refreshment table. "No, I'll go keep a watch so your Mother won't catch you." He winked at the girls and then walked towards Scarlett. His steps became longer as he saw her swooning and he managed to make it to catch her just as she began to fall. He put his arm around her waist and held her upright as her head lolled against his shoulder.

"Bring her to the guest room," Melanie said quietly. The guests were all so wrapped up in their celebrations that nobody seemed to have noticed what was happening with the Butler's. Anyone who looked up would only see a man in an intimate embrace with his wife as they walked, although a second glance would probably detect the fact that Scarlett's feet were inches off the ground.

"Poor dear," Melanie said as Rhett laid Scarlett on the small bed. "We we're just talking and suddenly... I'll go fetch Dr. Mead."

Rhett only nodded, his thoughts preoccupied with the prone form on the bed. Her face was drawn, a testament to her restless nights. He'd often heard her at all hours of the night, either sneaking downstairs for a drink or simply pacing in the room across the hall. The truth was that he wasn't sleeping well either. Years of needing to be alert at all hours of the night to detect an approaching storm, or angry husband, led to bouts of insomnia. Having to seep in the brightly lit room he shared with Bonnie certainly didn't help matters.

The truth was that he hadn't had a truly good nights sleep since the day Scarlett banished him from their bedroom. Before that, in the all too brief zenith of their marital accord, he'd always been able to find peace from holding her tightly in his arms. No other woman before or since had been able to tame his restless spirit. Sometimes when he'd hear her up late at night he considered simply going over, knocking on her door, and then greeting her with a kiss that would leave them both breathless. In these moments of fantasy he'd imagine her crumbling under his ardor as she had when he proposed. Eventually she'd relent and admit that she missed him before begging him to come back to her bed.

These fantasies were dissolved by the harsh light of day. Scarlett could barely look him in the eye. She'd be more likely to slap him than kiss him, and he couldn't even blame her. His memories of their last night together were hazy. He remembered grabbing her and forcing her to the bed, but he also thought he remembered her wrapping her legs around his waist and refusing to let him go even after he'd collapsed against her. The bits he could recall-the smell of sex and sweat, the feel of her lips traveling down his body, the sound of her moaning into his ear the words of desire he'd always wanted her to say- they all seemed too good to be true. All he knew for sure was one moment he was threatening to crush her skull with his bare hands and the next he was waking up in her bed, her thighs showing purple bruises in the shape of his fingers.

He'd run away out of fear of what he might have done to her. Even though more than a few of Atlanta's esteemed gentlemen had suggested that what his wife needed was a good beating he was not a man prone to violence. At least not against the fairer sex. He'd no problem on the battlefield or in a duel. Even in a bar fight he'd gladly throw a punch at anyone he felt was a real opponent. Harming a woman, or any person who was weaker than him, was unacceptable. It reminded him too much of the father from who he often worried he'd inherited more than his dark eyes.

He reached out and pressed his hand against her cheek and caressed the soft skin down her to her neck. He pulled away suddenly when he heard the door open.

"What is the big emergency," Dr. Mead said before seeing Scarlett.

"I'm sorry I couldn't be more specific but I didn't want," Melanie swallowed the rest of the sentence. She didn't want to cause people to begin talking about Scarlett again now that things had just started to quiet down. That wasn't something you could just come out and say but from the look the doctor and Rhett gave her it was unnecessary. They already knew.

"I'm going to need some smelling salts." When Melanie left the room to fetch some he spoke openly. "Scarlett isn't prone to fainting except when..."

"I can assure you that isn't the issue. I still think she's unwell from the accident."

"There is nothing wrong with her body. No lasting physical damage. She could carry another child with no problem at all. In fact, it might be good for her."

Rhett smiled but it was incongruous with his standoffish body language. "Is this particular advice your professional opinion, or is your wife so desperate for new gossip that you've taken to creating some for her?"

"The body isn't the only thing that can be broken. Many times when a woman has this type of loss she experiences melancholia which can only be cured by replacing the loss."

Further conversation was thankfully finished when Melanie returned. Rhett stepped out of the room while Dr. Mead conducted his examination, although he suspected it wasn't necessary. As much as he hated to admit it the man was right. Not about having another child. That was patently absurd. Scarlett wouldn't experience another pregnancy barring an immaculate conception. He would not allow himself to have a moment of weakness as he had last time and he was equally sure that Scarlett would never have him willingly.

The old goat did have a point about Scarlett's condition no longer being physical which left Rhett at a loss of what to do. If Tara wasn't able to solve this problem he was unsure what could. His wife was not the type to talk about her feelings or even vocalize a need. Usually he'd been able to anticipate what she wanted and provide it for her at once. Now, he felt adrift. The only thing he could do was try to continue to treat her in the polite was he had since the accident. Even though he'd had a few slips where he's jibed her, most recently about the fall of her carpetbagger friends, for the most part he'd been able to keep those comments to himself. He would work harder to temper his words in an effort to prevent hurting her more than he already had.

"Is she alright?" he asked when Melanie came out of the room.

"She's just tired. A good nights rest and I'm sure she'll be just fine."

"I'll take her home and then come back for..."

Melanie shook her head. "Oh, no, I couldn't ask you to do that. She needs you Captain Butler. I'll make your excuses at the party and gather the children for you. Don't worry about the surprise. We'll just have to do it some other time. There will be more parties before Christmas."

Rhett couldn't find a way to disagree with her and so he relented, but not before saying that he'd have a party at his own home to make up for having to leave so early. He assured Melanie it wouldn't be any problem since Scarlett loved planning parties and, truthfully, it was the servants who would be doing all of the work. After thanking Melanie and Doctor Mead he finally went to face his now conscious wife.

"I'm so embarrassed," she mumbled, "I suppose that all of town thinks I got drunk or something."

"Most likely. Although it wasn't based on the events of this evening. That is our little secret, and you know how good I am at keeping secrets."

"Some secret. Half the town saw me faint like some ninny."

"Lucky for you I was able to rescue you before anyone noticed. Truly, Scarlett, your reputation remains as tarnished as it was at the start of the evening." Immediately regretting his words he offered her his hand. "Let's get you home."

Tentatively Scarlett took his offered arm as he helped her to her feet. She didn't feel dizzy anymore but still decided to lean on Rhett's strong form for support. Just in case, she told herself, although the fact that standing close to him made her feel present for the first time in months. For the brief time it took to walk to their carriage Scarlett felt like herself again.

Until they sat down, Rhett on one side with the children and Scarlett alone on the other. Then, just like the flurry of snowflakes that tried to make their way to the streets of Atlanta, the happy feeling melted away.


	3. Chapter 3

There were six trees in the Butler home that year. The grandest one of all, a fifteen foot Fraiser Fur transported in from Tennessee, occupied the ballroom. On every branch was a small candle just waiting to be lit the day of the scattered throughout the tree were handblown glass ornaments from Europe of all different colors that reflected the light so that there seemed to be scattered rainbows through the room. A slightly smaller tree was set up in the foyer with sweets hanging from it, and the one in the Dining Room had paper chains and dolls made by the children.

The most unusual of the trees was in Bonnie's room. A strange creation of metal tubing wrapped with brown thread and dotted with dyed green feathers, it had been bought three years earlier while Scarlett had been pregnant with the girl. Scarlett had been barred from working or leaving the house because of her condition and out of boredom and spite she spent all her free time shopping from catalogs and magazines. As soon as she had read about the artificial tree in Harper's she knew that she had to have it, even after Rhett pointed out that is was asinine to buy a fake tree when Scarlett owned a lumber mill. He didn't change his mind once he saw the it in person. He'd let her keep it though, and even suggested to place it in the foyer where it would be the first thing guests saw when coming into the home. When they'd raise their eyebrows and remark that it was "interesting" he would tilt his head in agreement and then, with false earnestness, explain how it was a grand statement in artistic expression.

He didn't make any such comments this year when Bonnie had seen it being un-crated and immediately fell in love with it.

Seeing the tree made Scarlett remember that year when she'd been pregnant with Bonnie, the last good Christmas she could recall. The house was still new and the children enjoyed exploring the endless series of rooms that was now theirs. The small arguments that had been plaguing the Butler's since their housewarming had settled after Scarlett had realized she was with child. Her anger still flared up often but now Rhett simply blamed it on her condition without baiting her further. Scarlett had done so much shopping that the gifts couldn't be contained under the tree and spilled out through the sitting room. There were so many that weeks later some were still turning up stuck in a corner or under the couch. But even Scarlett's gift giving was overshadowed by what she had received. Rhett had always been generous but that season even Scarlett had been embarrassed by the number and lavishness of his gifts. An emerald bracelet, a diamond necklaces, and a fur wrap lined with silk. The children were outside, playing with their own gifts, when she'd shyly apologized.

"What on earth do you have to be sorry for?" He shook his head, "Let me amend that. Heaven knows there is a litany of things which you should be sorry for, but what could actually be coaxing an apology from Scarlett O'Hara?"

"You've gotten so many gifts for me and..."

"And you ordered so much that I'm afraid that the government is going to have to grant you your own postman."

"Oh, that was mostly for the children."

"And yourself," he said jovially, letting his eyes roam down her new dress.

Her eyes cast down to her lap but held her chin to keep her gaze level. He smiled gently and wrapped his arm around her shoulder. "Haven't you ever heard it's better to give than to receive. Besides, you've already given me a present far more valuable then anything I've given to you."

There was an unfamiliar richness to his voice when he said that and for a moment her heart stopped. He'd never said that he loved her but for a second she was sure he was going to say it.

Instead he only laughed loudly and nodded his head towards the foyer. "That tree of yours has given me more pure entertainment than even all of my money could buy."

She'd been so mad at his teasing that she'd stormed across the room and refused to talk to him until he apologized. Of course he never had. In fact he'd only continue to tease her until she broke her vow of silence. She had hated when he would do that, take a perfectly nice moment and ruin it with his barbs, but now she missed it. She missed everything that he life used to be.

Scarlett was unusually reflective in her current state. The tomorrow she'd was always waited for had finally arrived. Every time she'd put off a bit of unpleasantness she'd unwittingly incurred a debt on future happiness, and it had come due with interest. She'd never much understood people who had the time to sit and ruminate on the past when there was so much to be done in the present. That had been when she'd had things to do to occupy her hours. Her business ran fine without her as did the household.

She had nobody to talk to but Melanie, but being near her only caused Scarlett to reflect on Ashley. This wasn't a new occurrence. For their entire acquaintance Scarlett had feigned interest in Melly's conversations while her real thoughts lie on her husband but ever since her realization at the Wilkes' Christmas Party things seemed unbalanced. Like a child discovering that there was no St. Nicholas, she had lost faith in the one thing she had always believed in. Ashley's love was the only thing she was ever really sure of, and if she had been mistaken about that then what else had she gotten wrong?

Through it all, as the days ticked off on the calender she was haunted by an undefinable feeling that followed her like a shadow.

It was the night of the Christmas Party she was hosting. In all honestly she'd done nothing leaving everything to Rhett who acquiesced far too easily to her demand that "he plan the damned thing". He had done so, managing even the small details. A new dress, ivory and gold, was sitting in her bedroom along with a pair of crystal earbobs and a hairpins with small diamonds on them.

Rhett had always known how to dress her. He apparently still did for she looked more lovely that night than she had in a long time. She thought back on how funny Rhett had always been about her wardrobe. After their marriage he had taken to supervising everything she wore, from undergarments to accessories. For his domineering ways with her appearance he was totally uninterested in everything else. Although he'd threatened that he'd be watching her business and household expenses he had never once asked to actually see those ledgers. He was completely uninterested in the building and decorating of their home, even though he complained about it afterwards.

All that had changed when she had banished him from her bed. Until today he hadn't taken any interest in her fashion.

A flush crossed her face as she realized there had been one other time he'd shown an interest - the night of Ashley's party.

Putting all of that out of her mind, Scarlett started towards the rarely used ballroom. She was momentarily stunned by how lovely it looked. At the center of the room was a ten-foot fit tree with small lit candles on every branch. There were boughs of holly and greenery hanging across the ceiling, and a discreet snip of mistletoe stood in the corner. The grand piano had tinsel on the side, and a red velvet ribbon was tied around each of its legs, and around the legs of every chair in the room.

"Do you approve?" Rhett asked as he came in, with the children at his heels. He was wearing a sharp black suit with a green silk vest. Wade Hampton wore a similar suit, and was clearly trying to emulate his step-father. Ella and Bonnie wore dresses that had similar gold trimming as Scarlett's. Bonnie's in the deep blue the girl loved best, and Ella in a coral color. They were a lovely family, she had to admit, but as she looked at them her throat tightened and she suddenly felt very tired.

* * *

Things were going well, at lest as far as Rhett could tell, but he still felt ill at ease. This was such an important night. The last time the Old Guard had turned up at the Butler home had been for Scarlett's disastrous crush and this was a chance to make up for that. An opportunity to try and win them back. Certainly his ongoing quest to secure Bonnie's future was part of the issue but more importantly this was a chance to help Scarlett regain her place among these people.

Rhett had been responsible for much of her fall from grace. During the War he had taken great pleasure in corrupting her and bringing out her less respectable sides. His motives were far from pure. He had hoped that the small acts of rebellion he inspired her towards would eventually lead her to his bed. Even though that had failed he did enjoy seeing her throw off the shackles of society. He'd struggled with that himself in his own youth, tied down by the weight of reputations chains in Charleston, and he would have loved to have had a kindred spirit in those days. Someone to let him know that there was a way to life other than the one his parents had set him down.

The irony was that those traits he'd cultivated in her were the ones that he now hated the most. While it had been amusing to see Scarlett Hamilton Kennedy acting willful and independent, he didn't was that from Scarlett Butler. He had made the monster that she had become, and he felt great guilt in that. 

He felt even more guilt in the fact that he'd managed to run off her new friends. The Scallywags and Yankees hadn't come around since Rhett had begun working with the Democratic party. The Scallywags and Yankees had accused Scarlett of being a traitor and refused to speak to her anymore. If it wasn't so sad it would have been funny; Rhett had managed to make her persona non grata in both the respectable and disrespectful parts of Atlanta.

He often wondered how much better off she would have been if he had never met her.

That was all in that past. Maybe if tonight went well it would be a starting point towards bringing Scarlett back into respectable society. Maybe she could start to become that grand lady she always wanted to be. He had to admit that she was making a good show of it. Normally Scarlett would be rolling her eyes and making faces while talking to the Matrons, but tonight she just smiled and nodded politely. There were no angry barbs from her or arguments. She was placid and polite and utterly un-like Scarlett.

Across the room Rhett and Scarlett's eyes locked. He raised his glass towards her in a silent toast and she only smiled back. They both turned towards the sound of the piano where Melanie Wilkes was sitting. Behind her Ashley stood with Beau and they led the crowd in a carol. 

What child is this, who, laid to rest,  
On Mary's lap is sleeping?  
Whom angels greet with anthems sweet,  
While shepherds watch are keeping?  
This, this is Christ the King,  
Whom shepherds guard and angels sing:  
Haste, haste to bring him laud,  
The babe, the son of Mary.

Why lies he in such mean estate  
Where ox and ass are feeding?  
Good Christian, fear: for sinners here  
The silent Word is pleading.

So bring him incense, gold, and myrrh,  
Come, peasant, king, to own him.  
the King of kings salvation brings,  
Let loving hearts enthrone him.

After she finished singing Ashley leaned over and gave his wife a quick kiss on her cheek. Across the room he heard Scarlett stifle a sob and run towards the servant staircase. He looked around, making sure that nobody else had seen her outburst before angrily following her. She was standing on the staircase, sobbing openly, with her back to him. 

"Good Lord, Scarlett, don't you think you should be used to it by now?"

"Used to it? How exactly does someone get used to something like that? Not that you'd understand. You've never cared, you made that clear enough."

"I don't care that you're still in love with the man, but do you have to make it so obvious."

Scarlett turned, her green eyes watery. "What are you talking about?"

"Ashley Wikes. That's what this little outburst was about, wasn't it?"

She laughed, a hysterical bitter laugh. "You accuse me of being obsessed with Ashley, but you're the one always bringing him up." 

"Because he's the only reason you do anything."

"I don't care about Ashley." She turned away and began walking down the staircase. Rhett wasn't done with her though and he ran after, his long legs allowing him get in front of her and block the path.

"Relly," he said not even trying to hide his doubt, "Well, then why exactly are you out here crying." 

Scarlett tried to push past him but he refused to move. She went to slap him but stopped. It was so familiar. She and Rhett on a staircase fighting with each other. Her hand moved down to her abdomen, her flat abdomen that she had always been so proud of but which now made her heart ache. The unnamed feeling was now clear, it was grief. To anyone else the feeling would have been obvious months ago, but for as much as Scarlett had lost she had never truly grieved for any of it. Raged, pouted, sulked and worried... she'd done all those things but she'd never allowed herself to enter the embrace of grief. If she had then maybe she'd know that the pain was necessary. It was what was needed for healing. Just as labor pains were needed to deliver a child, the pains of grief had to happen to give birth to healing. Scarlett hadn't ever allowed herself to feel the pain, and never let herself heal, so everyday the wounds just festered, infected and throbbing, until she could no longer pretend that everything was okay.

Her arm was still in the air but instead of slapping Rhett she threw her arms around his neck. There, safe in his arms, she let all the feelings she had been burying for months come out. Rhett wasn't sure what was going on, but he knew that Scarlett needed him. Just as he had during their Honeymoon he scooped her in his arms and began to sooth her tears, all the anger between them suddenly dissipating. Picking her up so that he could maneuver them into a sitting position, Rhett shifted her to his lap and began to shush her.

"What's wrong, Sweetheart," he said when her breathing settled.

Scarlett turned her head into his chest, wanting to hide from his gaze. Finally she said the words that had been stuck inside her for months. "I miss my baby."

"You want me to get Bonnie?" he said, confused.

"No, my baby. The baby I was going to have. Our baby. Oh Rhett, you do know it was our baby, don't you."

Rhett couldn't speak for a moment, his mouth suddenly dry. Of all the thing that he could have said that was one that he had't been prepared for. He had convinced himself that Scarlett's wounds were only physical, but it was clear that it was much deeper. What haunted him most was that he hadn't been aware of it. He had always prided himself on knowing Scarlett better than she knew herself but apparently that was no longer the case.

When had that happened?

"Rhett," she said, looking up at him, "Please say something. Tell me that you know that the baby was yours."

"Of course I know. I never thought otherwise."

"But you said..." she stopped. "We both said such horrible things. Why do we do that?"

Behind them the door opened and the chattering sound of the party spilled out. The servant's eyes grew large seeing Rhett and Scarlett's position, but they deftly went back into the room. 

"We need to talk, Scarlett, but not now. Do you think you're well enough to go back in?"

She shook her head. "I can't do it Rhett. I can't go back in there and hear more songs about babies and mangers and miracles. It just hurts too much. It all reminds me of..."

"Shhh. Don't work yourself up again. I can get everyone out of here, but I have to do something first. Do you think you can be my brave girl and just go in there for a half hour."

Scarlett nodded, and he helped her to her feet. On impulse he gave her a quick kiss and was surprised when she reached up to extend it, her hand wrapping around his neck and pulling him closer.

"Fifteen minutes," Rhett said, "And then I'll throw everyone out, bodily if necessary."

* * *

I took longer than that for Rhett to return, although it was obvious what had taken him so long. He was wearing a long red velvet cloak, a false white beard, and carried a bag behind him. Bonnie noticed him first and clapped her chubby hands together excitedly. "It's Santa! It's Santa." 

Ella was less excited and she hid behind Wade who rolled his eyes at his little sister's nervousness. The other children all rushed towards him as he began handing out gifts.

"It was so sweet of Rhett to do this," Melanie whispered to Scarlett. "Especially since so many people can't afford much these days."

Scarlett smiled as she watched Beau's excitement at his new art set and Renee Picard holding up a toy sword.

"Rhett can be so kind," Scarlett said, more to herself than Melanie.

"When you first married, I know some people were nervous. He had such a bad reputation, but everyone sees the truth now. He is a good man at his heart. I think you brought that out in him. He cares so much for you. Why, when you were ill he was in such grief. I can't even imagine what would have become of him if you hadn't recovered."

Scarlett quirked an eyebrow at this revelation, but Melanie wasn't a woman prone to exaggeration. 

"I have one more gift here," Rhett said, trying badly to disguise his distinctive drawl, "Is there a Scarlett Butler nearby."

Bonnie jumped up and down. "That's my mother. She's over there."

From the bag Rhett pulled out one final gift, a large hat box wrapped in tissue paper to hide its name. In the crowd someone muttered that it seemed too big for a lump of coal and the crowd tittered, but the Butler's didn't notice. In that moment they didn't see anything but each other. Standing next to Scarlett he held out the box for her to open. She lifted the lid and giggled. A dark-green taffeta bonnet lined with jade silk, just like the one he had given her years earlier to bring her out of mourning. That one had been lost somewhere in the haze of fleeing Atlanta. 

Rhett had been there, a part of her life, for so long. All of her adult life, really. How much of that time had been wasted with anger and strife? Life was too short for that, Scarlett understood it now. She wasn't going to waste any more of it. 

"Does is say 'Rue de la Paix' on the box?" she asked, coyly.

"In fact it does. I suppose that means something to you?"

Scarlett reached up and kissed him, not caring that everyone was watching. His fake beard tickled her chin and she couldn't help but giggle. When they parted everyone was staring at them, especially the children.

"Santa," Bonnie yelled, "I'm gonna tell my Daddy on you."


End file.
